Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Art of Joining a Female Conversation

One thing I just absolutely love about women is probably something that drives a lot of guys crazy.  I’m referring to their ability to speak simultaneously and with nothing any man would recognize as logic.  But you just have to force yourself to appreciate these quirky behaviors and look at them as a source of your own personal amusement.  An example:  You will see this when a group of women are talking about another woman or especially watching a show like the “Real Housewives of wherever” They will just be ripping on the stupid women on the show who have no realization that they are on television just to be ridiculed.  Anyway, the women watching the show will be verbally tearing the TV women to pieces, reminiscent of lions in the Roman Coliseum and suddenly one will zero in on something and suddenly, the absolute essence of the conversation will transform.  You’ll suddenly hear something like:  “Oh, I just love her shoes,” and the whole conversation will suddenly shift to earrings and fashion and shopping in general.  Then, just as suddenly, they’ll go back to ripping the TV women to shreds.  If you are a man in this situation, just sit back and smile sardonically to yourself like you know something.  Don’t say anything.  If you are a real man, you’ll just look foolish trying to keep up in a conversation like this.  There is no logic, structure or ultimate goal that any man can follow.  They are just women being women and you really need to keep your mouth shut.  Should one of them notice your smile and ask you about it just shake your head and say nothing.  Or say something somewhat mysterious like you were just thinking about something that happened a long time ago.  Odds are, none of them are going to notice you, but be ready for the remote possibility that the will.  Don’t feel like you are being ignored and don’t let it hurt your feelings.  You are just watching women being women.  When that happens, you cease to exist.  Just accept it.  It is something of a compliment that you are able to witness this, not a great one, but try to look at it that way.

If you want to join in, just start talking at whatever seems the most appropriate spot and don't take it personally when they don't all stop and listen to you.  You have to talk about female stuff and keep your male ego in check when they talk over you.  Stop and listen to them.  They are talking over each other.  This the the hardest thing for men to deal with.  Usually one of the more empathetic women will stop and try to listen to you.  But, it's just so awkward because you feel like you are just keeping her out of the conversation and she really isn't interested in what you are saying.  We've all heard that women are better at multi-tasking than men.  This isn't folklore and it isn't just training.  Women physiologically have a larger corpus colosum than men do.  This is the network in the center of the brain that keeps the two hemispheres communicating.

Joining into a female conversation and holding your own is one of the most difficult things a man can attempt.  But, if you find yourself in a situation where it would be appropriate to try, you should.  


  1. Perhaps you should think about writing "The Deeper Understanding of the Foreign Language of Women Guidebook" for men???? Just a thought.... :-)

  2. Actually, Whitny has kind of gotten me in to this. And...I'm going to be completely honest about why I'm doing it. We switched television providers and when they installed the new stuff, they had misunderstood and put a standard box in my room instead of a DVR. I just can't sleep and I used to watch TV. Now, that I can't, because between 2:00 and 6:00AM, even with 500 channels, I find I have four basic choices: women selling sex toys, and I have watched this one...They are these incredibly plain, annoying women talking about these products as though every woman has a special room full of them. Or, I can watch infomercials that tell me how I can improve myself with fake hair, fake teeth, fake products that will give me a third leg and ways to become rich beyond all imagining for $24.99. I can watch bad movies that I never wanted to see in the first place over and over, or the never ending "Law and Order" marathon on every third channel. Anyway, (had to get that out) I've always written compulsively and never done much of anything with it. So, now that Whit has introduced me to blogging, I'm working on several and a guidebook such as you described had crossed my mind. It will kind of depend upon whether or not people other than you and Becky start reading my stuff. I am working on one that Whit suggested called "Because you are a man..." Since I am old now, I need to pretend that I have great wisdom to share.